Apologies

I'm sorry that I can't seem to be happy about life as it is.

Sorry that something's always wrong.

Sorry I can't let just this, what I have here, be enough.

This is my apology

For all my discontent

For wanting more to do when I am bored

And wishing for more time when I'm busy.

For looking too far ahead to see what's here in front of me

And cursing when I stumble on the obstacles between that horizon and myself.

For feeling paralyzed by the accumulation of little concerns

Until all I can do

Is lament about feeling paralyzed.

This is me saying sorry

For every time that I've been sad when I should have been counting my blessings

And every time I've felt angry at others

Because of my own ability to decide what I want.

For all the moments ruined by resentment

Toward the things in my life that I need but don't want.

This is me asking for forgiveness 

And forbearance

For wearing you out with my black moods

And insecurities about my existence

And for expecting you to accept all my apologies

When I feel guilty about it afterwards.

Song of my words

I brought you home with me one night
to say one thing to you
I let it out between my lips
let it fall into your ear
but I'm just not sure
I'm just not sure
that you know what you hear.

And oh I could never think to live
without this is my life
and I could never think to give
you something less than right
my dreams are cold, my words are old
I think my story won't be told.

Your lips are forming shapes of which
I build up castle walls
and this is how I make my wish
and this is how it falls
I guess tonight I'll take that kiss
and let the rest all fade
and in the morning when I wake
the world will be remade.


But in the night
I'll know what calls
I'll hear it in my dreams
and someday soon
I'll take it all
and give it back again.

So all the words I said to you
and all the words you heard
I gather up into my hands
and toss them to the wind
as they dissolve you'll hear them speak
but you won't understand
and when you turn and look at me
you'll find that I have learned.